Well my friends…it is with a sad heart I write this post. My time in the company of fools has ended….I graduated my CNA course. As you may realize, I have not posted anything since when I first started said course. I have not had the time to write since my clinicals took place in an assisted living facility, I have literally and figuratively been knee-deep in s….…but I digress. The point being, my last post was a mere scattering of experiences I had in my class/asylum.I had no idea that some of the best moments were yet to come.
I have grown to love most of my classmates in a very cautious way. I mean to say, that while I enjoyed some moments in Nutterville, I can say that with the exception of two relatively sane people, I did not exchange numbers or emails with anyone, nor had anyone sign my yearbook on my way out the door. It’s been great, good luck, and God I hope we don’t run into each other professionally.
In honor of my class coming to an end, and my inability to accurately retell all of my cringe-worthy details of the past 5 weeks, I have compiled, in my secret pocket notebook, my top ten “they did NOT just say that” quotes from my classmates. Enjoy….
1. “Wait…I had chicken pox…Does that mean that now I have AIDS?”
2. “You can tell that black man is a good lover by the way he is washing his hands.”
3. “ I had a man die at my house during a tornado…but he was old”
4. “I once set my menu on fire to get Priscilla Davis to stop hitting on me in front of my girlfriend” (for those not in the know, Priscilla Davis was the wife of the famous Cullen Davis of the Cullen Davis Mansion murders)
5. “Should we tell someone that this man’s penis is green?”
6. “My friend saw Tom Cruise making out with another man under a blanket in first class” (This I don’t find so unbelievable)
7. “Time out…what happens if I get fecal matter in my mouth?”
8. “Why doesn’t anyone speak German anymore?”
9. “Hell no I haven’t seen Letters from Iwo Jima…that’s about the enemy. You don’t sympathize with the enemy!”
And my favorite sentiment shared with the entire class
10. “That woman’s labia does NOT look 90 years old”
So long classmates….I’ll see you in the news…….
I sent the link to this post to my friend Kristen. She is an ER nurse, and can now speak ebonics fluently (no disrespect intended, just an interesting factoid). I knew she would appreciate your list, she has the best stories of anyone I know. Love your blog, you crack me up as always. much love to you guys.
ReplyDeleteRachel