Desmond! I'm NOT your brother....

Tonight, I want to talk about Lost. I know, I know, enough already. I know what you’re thinking, “Nobody cares, it’s just a show, now where is the new season of WipeOut.?” Here’s the catch, I’m pretty sure I’m going to blow your mind with my interpretation and analysis of this epic sideshow.
Observations
J.J. Abrams was a contributor to the show right? You know who else he is pals with? Tom “Weirdest Guy in the Room” Cruise. This brings me to my first theory. Lost is just another piece of Scientology propaganda. And let me tell you why
1. The flight is from Australia. Where was Tom’s first wife from? Too simple? Perhaps.
2. They blow up over the ocean in an airplane. What do Scientologists think Xenu dropped humans off on Earth in? A DC-10. Too coincidental? Most likely.
3. Volcano on the Island/A Volcano is where Xenu stacked us after taxi-ing to the gate of Earth. Grasping for straws? Without a doubt.
4. Desmond, with his obsessive smiling, large teeth, and borderline homoerotic “brother this, brother that” talk is definitely Tom Cruise. (My new BFF Libby came up with that one) As an aside, I would not put it past J.J. Abrams to have had Tom Cruise cameo in some obscure, unrecognizable role. Tom could have been in the polar bear suit, the taxi driver, the Oceanic freight driver, or Hurley in a fat suit. I was not one of the people who found Cruise’s turn in Tropic Thunder hilarious. I found it disturbing and to be honest cruel. Didn’t Ben Stiller realize he was just fanning the flames of Cruise’s thetan- spewing personality disorder?
5. Locke, with his ability to look slightly sexy in one take, and pasty and sexual predator-ish in the next makes him Travolta, hands down.
In closing, I share with you some things I have tossed around in my head since the finale.
1. Why couldn’t Ben go in? Answer-He’s obviously still alive on the Island, taking over after Hurley’s passing.
2. The scene with Sun and Jin was actually really moving. I cried. Many people went nuts over the scene with Sawyer and Juliet, but honestly, I couldn’t stop focusing on what was in the vending machine. Were those Rolos Sawyer was trying to eat? Yikes. That’s like choosing to eat Mentos.
3. The Vincent scene got me choked up, but since I can’t separate fiction from reality, (I’m hoping it’s not a dissociative disorder, but that usually hits early 20’s so I’m encouraged by that) now I’m consumed with worry about a. why wasn’t Vincent in the church going to heaven? and b. if he isn’t dead, whose going to take care of him now?
4. Finally, the big question I was left with. Why wasn’t Ana Lucia in the church going to heaven with everyone else? I’m pretty sure I saw her briefly in the finale opening a door dressed as a cop. Apparently on the Island, you drink, you drive, you go to hell.

In closing, I loved the show even when I hated it. I think you will find my argument is valid, and my evidence concrete. I did most of my research on Wikipedia. You’re welcome.